The Consequences of the Pillows and Sploosh
by AHHHngela Alice likes PIE
Summary: Doesn't everything progress? If yes, go through a pillow fight, lecture, shower sploosh, and tad Fax. If no, hey, give it a try. Hello to the pillows and sploosh! Oneshot because I felt like it


**What up people of Fanfiction! So this little thing is the product of just needing an account so I don't have to keep typing AHHHngela into people's reviews. Especially St. Fang of Boredom's *bows and sprinkles dust on myself*. I didn't want to have only an account and no stories. That wouldn't stand!**

**So**

**OMG my first Disclaimer! : Though I would rather be rich, have control of Fang, kill Dylan, I don't own Maximum Ride because James Patterson does. I'd rather not be an old man though. And I love my hair. So there's one plus. Disney's Tarzan is not mine either. But it'll always be in my heart! (couldn't resist ) Don't own Beauty and the Beast because I'm not Disney. You know you should be smart enough to distinguish what I do and don't own.**

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Grumble, grumble. "Tar-zan." Grumble, grumble. Point.

"Oh I see!" Jane said.

_Happy_ grumbling. "Oh-I-See, Tarzan, Oh-I-See!"

Ok. Someone please explain again _why _we're watching a man dressed in ½ of what's considered underwear. I'll explain in one simple word. Evil, conniving, sinister Angel. Well you could pick out the root word there.

It was movie night at the Mom's house. The first after a lot of flying and fighting; I could tell the flock was glad for the rest. Iggy was kind of lounging all over the love seat with a casual arm around Ella (Mom was in the kitchen. He doesn't have the guts!).

Angel and Nudge were on the floor in front of the television squealing about how cute Tarzan and Jane were. I think I heard something from Nudge about Tarzan's abs but I'll pretend not to have heard.

The last time I saw the Gasman, he had a screwdriver and some wind chimes. I'd punish him later. Hey! It's vacation! Total and Akila were on a little date in the living room. Hopefully Gazzy doesn't do anything to their food...

"Is it just me or do Tarzan's eyes keep changing color? First they were blue, now they're green…" I whispered to Fang. But where was he? He might have gone to bed or…

I put my bowl of popcorn down. Scooting over from my spot on the couch, inch by inch, I listened for some sign of an invisible bird kid.

_Snore__**.**_

There was a quiet snort from a bodiless source. I grabbed a nearby pillow and raised my arms high up. And just as I brought them down the movie made a gunshot sound.

The sound started Fang to visibility and I was able to see his face as I brought the pillow down hard on him. Can one imagine what it'd be like to wake up to a gunshot and a crazed faced Max shoving a pillow into your face? Well, Fang must have had no problem.

"Gah Fammet! Fax! Fweakeh idoish! I con't bweash!" Fang shouted unintelligibly. Unmercifully I held down the pillow on his face.

"Mwahaha! That's what you get for falling asleep on us on movie night!" I cackled. Gazzy popped up from behind the couch. The rest of the flock started to stare and simultaneously grins appeared on their faces.

"Pillow fight!" Gazzy shouted and all hell broke loose. Feathers from the pillows and our wings covered the living room. Popcorn flew like mad. Slow motion death by pillow scenes occurred every five minutes. It was kind of like X-Men with extra mutant children fun!

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**Meanwhile**

"Oh Akila, I'm glad you like the food. Only the best for my beauty!" Total proclaimed to his Malimute lover. The two dogs were at the table eating chicken a nice sweet sauce and mashed potatoes with asparagus on the side.

"Woof!" Akila barked happily before stuffing her face with more potatoes.

"You are a radiant star, my love-" Total was interrupted by a big boom followed by a lot of yelling. "Oh God." Total's face was full of horror as it should have been. "We need to get out of here, my dear!" Akila replied with a bark jumped of her chair to herded by Total into the front yard. Good thing to because that's just when the monsters came…

"THIS. IS. TARZAAAAAAN!!!"

Iggy had just Spartan kicked Fang into the dining room and all the table's contents found themselves on the floor. Fang came back at Iggy with a pillow cover to the mouth. In seconds, Iggy was bound from head to toe with Beauty and the Beast bed sheets. Fang stood over Iggy looking smug. He put his leg on Ig's chest and his hand on his hips.

"I claim this land for Canada!" Fang said.

I on the other hand, was being attacked by a twelve, eleven, and six year old. Being so dangerously close to Gazzy when he performed his "bomb of the butt" I was rendered defenseless for a few seconds. Which was all _they_ needed to take advantage of me. I normally try to block the bad things from my memory. So I wouldn't remember being knocked on the head with a pillow and getting my head sacked with a pillow cover. I wouldn't remember being forced to do it through freaky mind control. I would never ever remember being forced into a chair and being used as a bird kid Barbie.

I'd only remember it from the pictures they took. Before my mother came out. And grounded us all.

"What is this madness?! MY LIVING ROOM! MY DINING ROOM!! MAAAAX!" What why 'Max'? Why not 'Fang'? Or 'Iggy' or 'Ella' or 'Nudge'? Ugh.

* * *

She was just like Hulk.

A pretty, not green Hulk.

A forgiving Hulk.

And that's what I told her.

Where do you think that got me? Squat. That's where. So now the flock was squatting around my bedroom listening to me rant.

"You got me in SO much trouble! The least you could have done was not ripped open the pillows and scattered the feathers like you were freaking Hansel and Gretel going on a round-the-world trip! If it were anyone but my mother…" I hope I wasn't annoying them. Please note the sarcasm. I wouldn't admit it to anyone but, I did enjoy that pillow fight. Before I was ambushed.

"Max," Fang was using his patronizing tone, which to anybody else would sound like a regular bored Fang tone. And now in this patronizing tone, he was telling me I'm over reacting and that I should let them off. He was also saying that I wasn't fooling anybody with my I-hate-pillow-fights face.

Or was that just me getting that? Nah. He's my boo.

I sighed. "Flock dismissed," said I and I put my head in my hands. They all rushed out but not before I heard them whispering to each other about how much fun the pillow fight was. Thinking I was alone, I let out a long groan/scream.

But I was mistaken, and there was Fang staring at me with a slight smile.

"Aha… don't say anything. I'm weird I know," I said to him while going through my drawers for my PJ's. I sniffed my arm pits quickly and made a face. Shower time.

"Weird? Aren't we all…" said Fang knowingly. He took a seat on my bed. Spotting my clothes he said,"Do you want me to leave?"

"Nah, stay," I replied without thinking. He raised an eyebrow and I felt my face go red along with my mouth dropping and my eyes opening widely. He thought I was just going to change! The way I replied, it sounded like I wanted him to see me strip like an orange peel! "Gah! I mean, I'm going to take a shower-I don't want you to see me naked-Wah! I mean be right back!" and I ran into my bathroom quickly, leaning against the door separating me and the somewhat bane of my existence

Looking in the mirror, I saw that my face was a shade that would rival Iggy's dream red Ferrari.

I sigh. Goodness, why am I such a dope? But most of all, why am I worrying so much? Things have gotten so much more complicated in the years.

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"You must come out! Please!" I whisper shouted to myself. Furiously shaking the bottle of conditioner, I was in danger of slipping and giving myself a beautiful little concussion. But the flipping bottle was practically empty!

_Shake, shake._ I hear something in there. Come on conditioner, aid me in my quest for healthy hair! _Sploosh!_

Ew. That was one of the ugliest sounds I've ever heard. After Gazzy's little show of combining his special techniques in one gas filled light and dinner performance. Never again will I view Bon Jovi's, It's My Life or lasagna in the same way again…

The sploosh reminded me of a fart bubble. Nice mental image, huh? At least I got my heaven lovin' hair care now.

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Humming to myself, a Toy Story towel on my head, I opened the door to my bathroom and saw the back of a dark bird boy.

Oh, so Fang stayed. I guess my weird let-me-undress-in-front-of-you offer didn't have him so disgruntled.

But.

Oh my God.

He must have heard my conditioner give a fart bubble. And since most inanimate objects don't pass gas, he must have figured that I made the putrid action!

I don't want to be known as the fart bubbler!

Struggling in my mind for a reasonable excuse as to why fart noises were coming from the bathroom while I was in there, I said, "Oh, hi Fang! I was just practicing my armpit farting noises!" Followed by cheesy smile.

Years of being on the run had trained me to be observant. To be sharp and quick and to collect every bit of information from my surroundings. So maybe it was because my flock and I were on break or because I didn't expect to need those skills in my bedroom, but even after all those years, this time I failed to notice that Fang was wearing headphones when I was exiting the bathroom. He was listening to music until he noticed the door opening and proceeded to take off his earphones.

Right before I said that I was exercising my underarm tooting skills. Meaning he never heard why I was explaining that because he was too busy listening to his iPod and probably dancing inside to Britney Spears(his guilty pleasure).

His head slowly turned to me and I could see his eye twitching with exertion from trying to hold in his laughter.

It didn't work.

He ended up rolling of the bed and laughing so hard he brought in the whole flock. Even Akila and Total.

And because one ever so rarely sees Fang smiling, let alone _laughing_, one couldn't help chuckling along with him even though one does not know what he would be laughing for.

It's a family thing I guess.

* * *

"Shoo! Children must go to bed and let the adults talk!" I was shuffling out the younger kids and dogs. An impassive faced Iggy stood in the doorway.

"Then the adults must talk," Iggy said stern facedly. His arms across his chest and his green PJ's adorning his lanky body, he kind of reminded me of Gumby.

"Gumbies don't pass for adults. Out, buddy!" I said and pushed him out the door. When I was closing the door, I saw Fang's face and could tell that he was thinking the same about the Iggy/Gumby resemblance.

"Maybe they're cousins?" Fang suggested. I chuckled and sat down on the bed beside him.

"That or he's related to celery and he can't help being passed for Gumby," I threw in.

"Celery is sexy. Iggy's not," Fang pointed out.

"When did you start judging manly sexiness?"

"Since celery became god among sexy produce and therefore needs protection against the non-sexy."

"Nice reasoning," I snickered. "So you were in here to talk about something, I presume, before you starting busting a fit."

"Like you were busting an armpit…" he mumbled vaguely.

"What?" I gave him a look.

"Nothing. But yeah. I do have something to say," Fang said seriously. I hope it was going to say that he was going to buy some new shoes for the flock because those foot puppies were getting a little worn. Worn meaning their little piggy toes were exposed to the whole world.

I raised my eyebrows expectantly.

"Yes?" I said.

"If you… ever… need someone to…" he trailed off. I was starting to get twitchy.

"Yes? Hurry up. I'm starting to spasm," I said impatiently.

"If you ever need someone to…"

"…"

He grinned suddenly.

"I'm yo boo and if you ever need someone to rehearse your armpit chorus with, I'm your guy." And his eyes gleamed.

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**Ateehee! Thanks for tuning in. First story peeps. **

**R&R would be lovely. I heard it helps your skin ;) **

**-AHHHngela Alice**


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